Context-Free Game Quotes! 2023
12-31-23, A Claus For Concern
“I’m… going to pass.”
“They’re our bait! I mean, we’ll help them, let’s talk later.”
12-29-23, Strange Aeons
“Follow me, I’m invisible!”
“Follow the soap and come this way!”
“The soaps on the ground, it’s your move.”
“Gallons of water coming out of the sky? It’s SHOWER TIME!”
“My character’s chaotic – I don’t give a crap about Justice Day.”
“I have a soft spot for the town.” [pause] “It’s the people that I don’t care for.”
“I would have stroked you lovingly with my tentacle – that’s how much I love you.”
“Ten tickles??”
12-27-23, Wrath Of the Righteous
“I want to wait until the thing is dead, then I will step up bravely.”
“Death to Chili’s servers!”
“Chili’s servers are my favored enemy!”
12-17-23, Traveller
“I’ll take such good care of her, you might not recognize her with you get her back!”
12-10-23, War of the Burning Sky
“We played Strip Dreidel. ” [pause] “It’s the Festival of Lights… and skin!”
Arandar: “Can you tell Wraith that there are elves out here?”
Titus: “Wraith, Arandar says you’re an idiot.”
Wraith: [pause] “And?”
“I’m not really sure what I’m trying to punch.”
12-3-23, Wrath of the Righteous
DM: “The yoink doesn’t provoke, does it?”
PC: “Some people appreciate it!”
Bumper Sticker: “My Leader Is An Invisible Elvish Caravan Guard.”
“It’s like a big demonic spanking machine.”
“Worst. Pinata. EVER.”
12-1-23, BDC
PC1: “Those stone giants? They were polymorphed silver dragons.”
PC2: “That’s why they were hitting on me!”
PC3: “You weren’t sitting anywhere near them.”
PC1: “I could tell thought.”
PC2: “They were not.”
PC1: “All I know is that they were rock hard.”
“Invisibility is for combat, not as a way of life.”
“Do you have any beans you can plant?”
“Fire giants smell like lit farts all the time.”
PC1: “We get paid by the spider!”
PC2: “Yeah, not to take castle tours!”
“I was told to take you this way, and this is the way we are going to go!”
“Bitch get that scalp down here right now!”
“As god as my witness, I thought dwarves could fly.”
“Obviously, you’ve never dealt with lawful giants before.”
12-26-23, Quarantine With The Classics
“He’s just trying to draw that lobster out of his shell.”
[general booing]
11-19-23, Traveller
DM: “You’re just flinging a penis at her?”
PC: “You make it sound so base.”
11-6-23, A Team/Wrath Of The Righteous
“Well, that depends on what your definition of Iz is.”
“I’m not using them!”
11-4-23, BDC
“Little Debbie?? That slut.”
“I would suggest not ripping off the Great Sufi.”
PC1: “What are you doing?”
PC2: “Just making some water.”
PC1: “What are you doing??”
PC3: “I’m catching it in a bag I just bought!”
“Can I change my alignment for this combat?”
10-22-23, Quarantine with the Classics
“Most of my spells are not friendly to anyone!”
“He’s always taking vengeful dumps in enemy footlockers.”
“They have dill down here?”
“That puts me in a position to whack several guys.”
“Where I’m going, I won’t need temporary hitpoints!”
“I’d rather be in a crusty bus station than a busty crustacean!”
10-20-23, BDC
All PCs: “STARKNIFE! STARKNIFE!”
PC with starknife: “I do not use my starknife.”
“We’ve got a talking horse dragon.”
DM: “What about the dragon?”
PC: “What about Jarlebank? He’s ‘draggin’.”
“I’ve you’ve ever owned a goat, you know that they are ALL chaos goats.”
“What are you, an equirian nazi?”
“… and that’s how our horse got a hat!”
10-13-23, Strange Aeons
“What is it with cultists and Kool-aid?”
DM: “You’re going after Matthew McConaughey?”
PC: “She hated Interstellar.”
“Are you giggling at the thought of someone being tied up for a whole day?”
10-8-23, Welcome to Otari
“This is a pretty fancy dinner party – remember to use your salad dagger first.”
“I’m never trusting a disembodied voice AGAIN.”
GM: “What languages do you all speak?”
PC1: “I haven’t picked any yet.”
PC2: “Can you tell him what languages he should pick for this encounter?”
GM: “Do you wake up every morning thinking you need to prepare in case you go on adventure that day?”
PC1: “Every day, Don. Every. Day.”
“I took 2 years of Undercommon in high school. Never thought it would come in handy.”
“My hovercraft is full of eels.”
PC1: “I only do 2 points of damage.”
PC2: “Are you maybe using your salad dagger?”
“Remorse killing is the worst kind of killing.”
“I hate doing awesome stuff!”
10-8-23, War of the Burning Sky
“Nothing says ‘lawful good teenager’ like a good kidnapping.”
10-6-23, BDC
“Let’s go check on our slaves…”
10-3-23, Baldur’s Gate 3
“Hey! We have less money than we had before??”
“Yes, that is what happens when you buy stuff.”
9-24-23, Quarantine With The Classics
“Time for some sushi!”
“I’ve got balls for days.”
“I’ll be the judge of what is nefarious and what is not in this game!”
9-22-23, Strange Aeons
“Follow me!” [pause] “After you.”
DM: “Wait: you’re going to grappling hook a disembodied head?”
PC: “What’s the worst that can happen?”
“I’m here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I’m all out of ass.”
9-17-23, Traveller
“It’s at the base of the skull?” [pause] “Ok, I’m going in rectally.”
PC1: “Do we have handcuffs or something?”
PC2: “Here, use mine, they’re purple and have fur on them, but they work.”
“Ok boomer, let’s get you to bed.”
I”I have to step away and drain my capacitor.”
“Ah, the age-old conflict between principle and apathy.”
“Ain’t no laws when you got White Claws!”
“Roger, uh, over…”
“I’m fairly intelligent, just not in diplomacy.”
9-15-23, BDC
“Peaches could run for mayor!”
“Well, not run…”
PC1: “Don’t lay down with him, you’ll get fleas!”
PC2: “The dog might get fleas.”
PC1: “I was talking to the dog.”
“We’re done… for.”
“What?”
“We’re done for.”
9-10-23, B TEAM/War of the Burning Sky
“Nothing says incipient success like a bill in your codpiece.”
“I don’t need prostitutes – I may have them, but I don’t need them.”
“There are a bunch of girl-smackers in this town.”
9-3-23, A Team/Wrath of the Righteous
“It’s going viral on Helltube.”
“Gato: Dungeon Attorney.”
“Hi, my name is Fletcher, and I’ll be your murderer today!”
8-27-23, Quarantine With The Classics
“I can reach and touch someone with my big snake.”
“You can pop Storm in the front.”
“We always assume he’s hallucinating, so it’s ok.”
8-25-23, BDC
“Quit yanking it!”
“What happened?”
“He zebra-creamed himself!”
“You’re hypobolemic! Which is a medical term that I wouldn’t know because I’m a mid-level ranger.”
“You’re our only hope, pegleg!”
“Let me get this straight: I can still kill chickens?”
“Star-knives are really good against roooooope…”
“You’re lucky we don’t push you into the leech-pit!”
8-16-23, Otari
“I take it you’ve just noticed the note taped to your monitor that says ‘Remember, Steve has ‘feelings.'”
“The mermaid statue swivels and shoots a powerful blast of water from its mouth.”
“I’m just glad it’s not one of those peeing cherub statues.”
PC1: “Is it a standard mermaid with the upper half human, or is it a fish with human legs?”
PC2: “Nobody likes Reverse Mermaid.”
“It’s like an ancient Fantasy power washer. On the plus side, your armor looks GREAT!”
Kobolds after player makes successful Deception Check:
“There’s no one there at all! You, sir, are untrustworthy!”
“Welcome to the Witness Protection Program.”
8-13-23, B TEAM
“If you had let me murder that bastard ten sessions ago, these problems would be gone.”
“Not killing assholes when we had a chance is how we got into this mess!”
8-2-23, Loose Gaming
“Do you think that the Mother of Monsters has ever faced a camel?”
“‘Stirred’ is the lesbian’s ‘shaken’.”
7-28-23, Age of Extinction
“Franco definitely doesn’t wear pants, in keeping with the Donald Duck/Winnie the Pooh Accords”
“Is that what Smart People do? ‘Look at me completing a crossword puzzle because I’m so smart.'”
“And Hot Druid Summer BEGINS.”
7-23-23, Quarantine With The Classics
“I’m going to plier him!”
“I hate being grabbed without asking.”
“… leave a Verm for your buddies…”
(to the tune of “toss a coin to your witcher”)
“He’s the Storm whisperer.”
7-21-23, BDC
“Down here, every watch is the midnight shift.”
“The next day, around 6 am Desna Mean Time…”
PC: “Fish people are dicks.”
PC2: “Yeah. Fuck ’em.”
7-16-23, TRAVELLER
“Our own crew is telling people we’re killing Ewoks!”
“Sometimes, I have slight concerns about our reputation in the galaxy.”
“He used my nipples as a springboard!”
DM: “Dr. Wagner has samples.”
PC: “And they’re for sale!”
“When one side has guns and the other doesn’t, the gun side usually expects to get their way.”
“Get off the line, guy!”
“I’m going to work on my inspirational quotes.”
“Damn monkey paws!”
7-14-23, OTARI
GM: “The kobold immediately shits himself.”
PC: “I think that’s a 2-Action Activity.”
GM: “The kobold guard steps on a blue tile, and a spear flies out as he sets off a trap.”
PC: “Then he stumbles back, steps on a crack AND breaks his mother’s back.”
GM: “You don’t detect any magic on the ring.”
PC: “It DOES say Kobold High, Class of ’93 on it. Those times WERE magical.”
PC1: “Does jumping do anything for me?”
PC2: “Spinning didn’t do much for Kev.”
“That’ll teach him to not surrender in Common!”
GM: “The high ceiling is held up by four pillars”
PC: “Aerys looks up at the top of one of the columns and notes, ‘How Ionic.'”
7-9-23, B TEAM
“Searching my inventory is a free action.”
“In the last six to ten seconds you’ve learned that squids move very very fast.”
DM: “You’re going to punch a hydromancer in the nuts?”
Monk PC: “Twice!”
7-6-23, BDC
“So, I am the only representative of law in this party and, frankly, I am disappointed in all of you.”
PC1: “Attack the hump!”
PC2: “Are you ok?”
“Over half my blood is outside of my body.”
“The flesh of evil creatures shall never pass my lips!”
“We can have caviar with our mushrooms!”
“Grandma and Grandpa Gillman were out collecting mushrooms and you killed them! YOU BASTARD!”
“If we ever get back to civilization, drinks are on me.”
6-30-23, BDC
“Hey! They’ve got a stick!”
“I’ll sling it around like a giant hotdog!”
“Sleeping on the potatoes?”
PC1: “What the hell are the gnolls doing way the hell out here?”
PC2: “They’re opening for the Scorpions.”
“Sure, spiders are really worried about morale.”
6-25-23, Quarantine With The Classics
There is always the ‘Krusty the Klown’ defense – ‘they drove a truckload of money to my house’!”
“Chin up, Duffy! We’re here to have a good time!”
“I like to ping-pong with my pals… a pong ball… in a game of ping.”
“Don’t be so Dutch!”
“At this distance, javelin dancing gets old.”
“Here comes the caviar!”
PC1: “How does evil taste?”
DM: “Like Brussel’s sprouts.”
“Period appropriate high five!”
6-18-23, Traveller
PC1: “They were warning shots!”
PC2: “Yeah, warning them ‘I suck at shooting’!”
“Ooooh, that’s a nice feeling kidney!”
PC1: “What’s with all this blood?”
PC2: “Mallory happened to him.”
6-16-23, Strange Aeons
“Oh we are DEFINITELY going to have a discussion about Justice Day when we get out of this town!”
PC1: (re Enlarge Spell) “How big can you make it?”
PC2: “I’m not used to lying about how big it is.”
PC3: “This all goes back to the WYSIWYG discussion.”
“All the ladies love it, that’s all that matters.”
“Are you proficient in throwing jewelry?”
6-11-23, B TEAM
DM: “Rescuing a prisoner doesn’t automatically mean that you get a servant.”
PC: “Oh.”
“Hey brother, are you trying to detect traps the old fashioned way?”
[roll a 1 on detect traps]
“Apparently I’m finding traps the old fashioned way.”
“Do we know if he’s a fresh water or a salt water hydromancer?”
6-2-23 through 6-4-23, Diecon
“We have a scorched wall policy.”
“I know trolls have toes – I can see them!”
“Mental note: don’t listen to tusks.”
5-28-23, Quarantine with the Classics
“This brand of poison? ‘Child-Away’.”
“Like a coward – but not *actually* being a coward – I move backward.”
“I walk up, and everyone’s dead!”
“Smells like Lent.”
“He’s not raging, he’s just upset.”
5-21-23, Traveller
“Smitchy with the Verm!”
“You’re not getting any anesthetic next time either!”
“Um, what the fuck is the doctor doing?”
“… collecting supplies.”
“Well, if I ever catch a cold, that doctor does NOT see me.”
5-20-23, GenCon Game Pick Meeting
“Don’t throw your brother in the fire.”
5-19-23, BDC
“I don’t like haughty evil elbows.”
“We’re from Sternhaven and we’re here to help!”
“He’s not a burn-scarred dwarf, he’s an ugly cabin boy!”
“In every barrel, a little bit of wizard pee.”
5-12-23, Strange Aeons
“Kiss my acid!”
PC1: “Ok, I move to here…”
PC2: “Um, that’s a giant pool of acid.”
PC1: “Oh shit!”
“I’m never coming back to what you’ve done to my hair.”
“Between the tentacle and the plumb-bob, we’ve got a tiny ranged powerhouse here!”
“I may be in tune with the undead, but that doesn’t mean I want to join them.”
“I’m definitely increasing diplomacy by the maximum amount.”
5-7-23, A TEAM, Wrath of the Righteous
PC1: “Do you want to Dimension Door with me behind those apocalypse locusts?”
PC2: “No.”
“I’m not accusing him of extraordinary bravery, but can we get Message on him?”
4-20-23, B TEAM, War of the Burning Sky
Monk PC: “I relish every opportunity to do an Acrobatics roll!”
DM: “Your monk is now difficult terrain.”
“Monkeys kind of… freak me out.”
“It’s like running through a cold shower that might kill you.”
4-14-23, Age of Ages Finale
“Someone in front of me is going to have to die.”
4-9-23, B TEAM: War of the Burning Sky
DM: “The water here is quite a bit warmer…”
PC to nearby PC: “Sorry.”
4-7-23, BDC
PC1: “I hope our cleric with the high AC shows up…”
Cleric: “Yeah, me too!”
“I’m going to shoot #2 then back up around the corner.”
PC1: “Pills and booze – I told you! A winning combination. Jimi Hendrix loved it!”
PC2: “Why is that in past tense?”
“Excuuuse me, while I miss this guy…”
[air guitar]
“I’m cutting the grass, baby!”
“Hey everyone, no one’s clogging the hole!”
PC1: “Wow, something useful!”
PC2: “Hooray, the Summoner’s here!”
“Welcome to Troll School! Let’s talk about fire…”
DM: “You can think that all you want.”
PC: “No I can’t.”
“Whack everybody you can reach!”
PC1: “I can’t imagine tracing a big snake would be that difficult.”
PC2: “That’s what she said.”
“Ten out of ten paladins of Iomedae say she’s the best!”
“Hooray, the buckler’s here!”
“Welcome to the club! [pause] “The club of disappointment.”
“So… we can replace Shepherd with a non-magical piece of wood?”
4-2-23, Wrath Of The Righteous
“At some point, we’re going to have to get ourselves a caravan.”
“Mama didn’t raise no stupid caravan guards.”
DM: “Are you permanently Enlarged?”
P: “Semi Enlarged.”
“We specialize in weird and pissed off.”
“Say the ‘D-word’ one more time and I’ll kill you.”
“Wait up, you dicks!”
4-1-23, Big Muddy Game Day
“Ninja don’t care.”
“Cart guy? He’s confused.”
“Every time one of those guys goes to the bathroom, he’s not coming back.”
3-31-23, Strange Aeons
“I had bad luck all my life, until I met Elib.”
“Something scratchy this way comes.”
“Last time Elib did something like this, it took me a week to get my hair right.”
“I’m disabled.”
“How?”
“Acid.”
“Kiss my Acid Splash!”
3-26-23, Quarantine With The Classics
“By Crom’s codpiece, where are the stairs??”
“Whack me one to enrage me further!”
“I remember Giblets.”
3-24-23, Age of Ashes
PC1: “He’s so mad, he can see in the dark!”
PC2: “I can already see in the dark! I’m all natural!”
“Pardon my fake profanity.”
“We’re kind of done with those ‘Damien’ mom’ jokes, aren’t we?”
“They are getting old… like Damien’s mom!”
“I almost Color Sprayed myself from laughing so hard!”
“The ‘sudden withdrawal’ is a strategy that Damien’s mom used to recommend!”
“You’ve removed Dahak’s taint!”
“You step into a lovely open field… like the Windows 95 screen saver.”
3-19-23, Traveller
Space Doordash: “I’ve got your nuggets” [pause] “It’s not a euphemism.”
Bishop: “I have a question… for Weber.”
Weber: “I’m not really seeing anyone right now, so we can discuss it.”
“One doesn’t usually hear the words ‘concealed’ and ‘shotgun’ in the same sentence.”
“I have a plan!” [pause] “It’s not a *viable* plan, but it’s a plan!”
“I surround the felons with coffee, so the dogs can’t smell them.”
3-10-23, Age of Ashes
“I get knocked prone! But I get up again…”
“I’m Rick James, bitch!”
PC1: “Is Castiel Inspiring?”
PC2: “Well, he’s no Mother Teresa, but he’s trying.”
“It’s not like me to be wrong…”
3-5-23, A Team
“We’re starting a new book: Things That Heralds Are Not Allowed To Do. Page 1: We do NOT make DEALS with DEMONS!”
“Page two: we do not talk that lawful neutral ‘balance’ bullshit.”
“I love the smell of righteousness in the morning.”
“Not more other people’s birds!”
“Feel my Goddess and BURN!”
“Remember when we used to be afraid of vrocks?”
2-19-23, Traveller
“I’m going to the little aliens room.”
“I had to fake my own death over that Bobby McFerrin CD!”
“Let he who has never had a second personality template embedded in their head cast the first stone.”
PC1: “I don’t like the term “inevitable gunplay’.”
PC2: “I’m working on how I phrase things.
2-12-23, B Team
“We’ve got an angry box over here!”
“Ono is horrified by the undead. He’s a lawful good teenager!”
2-10-23, Age of Ashes
“If the Invocation was easy, they’d call it ‘Damien’s Mom’.”
PC1: “You’re awfully quiet, Steve.”
PC2: “He’s not on yet.”
“PC1: “We suddenly know how to speak ‘beaver’.”
PC2: “Are we still doing phrasing?”
2-4-23, A Team
PC1: “We’re either going to TPK here, or we’re going to win this.”
PC2: “That’s the spirit!”
“All I heard was ‘full frontal’ and 100% for that.”
“Being the Herald is like being the Chief Busboy of Iomedae.”
“Have you heard the Bad News?”
2-2-23, BDC
[At full volume] “Approach stealthily!”
“A buckler is just the right size to hold the perfect amount of nachos.”
“Those orcs are going to have to re-draw for Secret Santa.”
“Oh good – Desna bread! And look: more Desna bread.”
1-28-23, QwtCs
“I am going to participate in this kerfuffle.”
“The ‘deadly dildoes’ never leave a behind!”
“Fill that gap!”
PC: “Helios, are you going to shit in that box?”
Centaur PC: “Of course!”
1-27-23, Strange Aeons
“Withholding a potion is a full round action.”
“Irish is not a race!”
“Compared to a country? Twelve is nothing.”
“Why are you looking at her ass?
“HIS! His ass!”
“I’m not homophobic, but that’s just gross.”
“Hey! I’ve had a colonoscopy!”
“I’m too young to know if I’m gay or not.”
DM: “It looks like they’ve been using this room as a larder.”
PC: “Or food storage.”
DM: “That too.”
“Fine! I’ll burst! But quit getting hurt!”
1-20-23, BDC
PC1: “She sucks!”
PC2: “Hey! I used to be a professional.”
“Three half-elves? That’s an elf and a half.”
“You know… my boys need a mansion.”
1-16-23, A Team
“Stop cheating, bald man!”
“Paladin pee is NOT Holy Water!”
“I don’t *have* a bag.”
1-15-23, QwtCs
“Drow don’t surf.”
“Jizz nerd?”
“The glasses protect you!”
1-13-22, BDC
“I’m not the maneuvering type.”
“We just came close to starting a family!”
PC1: “I’ve got 50 feet of string.”
PC2: “For what? Remembering things?”
“Carrying the dwarf is like carrying a giant piece of bacon.”
PC1: “Hurry! I need someone to pee on me!”
All other PCs: “Me!” I’ll do it!” “No, me!”
“I used to be in the Mandible Militia, but now I’m in the Anti-Wyvern Defense Force.”
PC1: “Where’s that wizard with the knock spell?”
PC2: “He’s under the wyvern!”
PC1, looking at the dead body of wizard: “Welp, there goes our knock spell.”
1-8-23, B Team
PC1: “It looks like a family.”
PC2: “We kill them!”
“The C in Cookie is also the C in Consent.”
“I fully support his desire to boot people in the head.”
PC1: “Now we’ve created a *murderous* alcoholic!”
PC2: “Our job here is done.”
“Hi everyone, I’m your OSHA representative: do NOT listen to the bald man!”
1-5-23, Age of Ashes
PC1: “Well, uh, I’m not good…”
PC2: “You’re not even decent!”
PC1: “That’s it, when we get back to town I’m going to bang your mom.”
PC3: “Get in line!”
PC1: “Welcome to the town of Damien’s Mom!”
PC2: “It’s always open.”
“If a murder goes unwitnessed, it is even a murder?”
“Plot twist, motherfuckers!”
“He’s prejudiced, all half-elves look the same to him.”
1-1-23, BGP Meeting
“Perthius is no more evil than Hitler.”
