Context-free Game Quotes: Olden Days!


Paul: “Hey Dad, remember when I stapled my thumb?”
Les: “I’ve got a science project board and a stapler…?”
Steve: “And I’ve got a dollar!”

Paul: “You guys just wait until you’re all in nursing homes and I’m a millionaire!”

Don: “Don’t get within my sphere of death!”

Steve: “Five points sink damage.”

Steve: “Disturbingly, I saw him take one of your Architectural Digests in there with him!”

Les: “So, it’s really not bullying if you’re teaching him something?”
Steve: “Well, I think he’s teaching him about bullying.”


Don: “In three days, we’re going to get an adventure hook.”

Scott: “This is going to be WAY easier than ‘Find The Boat’.”

Dev: “I’m ALWAYS picked last.”

Scott: “This… is a log. We paid a wizard 20gp to throw it into the air.”

Bob: “I don’t like little imps stealing my pickle.”


Steve: “It’s a crap elemental.”

Don: “There’s a rope cot…”
Steve: “Dibs!”
Don: “… and some scraps of human limbs.”
Steve: “More dibs!”

Mike: “They call me the Sweeper…”
Don: “… because I fahl Asweep right aftah.”

Mike: “I want to finish plunking the green hag.”

Doug: “We’re not talking to you, Mr. ‘I thought you were a squirrel in my bedroom’.”

Don: “There’s a huge purple worm headed your way.”
Steve: “This module is way to Freudian for me.”
Doug: “I walk in brandishing my long sword!”
Steve: “That sounds so dirty when you say it.”

Don: “Saltpeter… it dampens the libido.”
Mike: “So does cornflakes.”

Scott: “She appeared when I started messing with her chest.”

Don: “It has two bolts stuck in it… they are on fire… it seems irritated but unharmed.”


Steve: “That’s truly an endowment for the arts!”

Scott: “So who’s making camp? Did you guys even bring a tent?”
Les: “I’m pitching a tent!”

Don: “So, you pitch… you… you… you, ah, make camp!”

Steve: “We spent a month on ‘Find The Boat’.”

Steve: “You’ve just encountered the toughest goblin in ‘Find The Boat’.”
Don: “That is NOT the name of this module!”

Don: “You’d get TPK’d into “Man In The Canoe’ module.”
Les: “No gamer has ever succeeded at that one.”

Devin: “I still can’t believe Doug turned you down for casual sex.”
Steve: “Maybe he’s not casual enough…?”

Steve: “We’re going to have to boil our rogue when this is over. [pause] Not that we weren’t going to anyway.”


Steve: “There’s a d4 that’s ‘unaccounted for’.”

Steve: “We’ll get you, tiny Batman!”

Steve: “I’m on point!”

Steve: “We’re not going to help you cleanse your taint.”

Steve: “Explain to me the ransom-reward thing again?”
Mike: “Yeah, I’m not getting it.”

Les: “So, Liquor in the rear?”

Les: “Now wait a sec – I’m not putting my hands anywhere near the ‘whatever place’.”

and of course: Mike: “WWTBD?” (“What Would Tiny Batman Do?”)


Steve: “We call her ‘Special K’.”

Steve: “This may call for a sense motive roll before anything ugly happens!”

Steve: “I’m making a mutton check.”

Libby: “Whose rear is he guarding…?”

Libby: “Morality check!”
Mike: “Oh, maaaan…”

Don: “Shh! Don’t use hints from before.”

Scott: “I guess I’m considered bait!”
Steve: “Always have been.”

Steve: “So we’re carrying around tables in THIS campaign, too?”

Scott: “30.”
Don: “Ok, you heard something too.”
Scott: “That’s it??”

Scott: “I’m doing all the thrusting!”

Steve: “Oh no! The miner’s dead! Someone get the canary out of here!”

Les: “It’s a staff? Stuck right in the middle of the pond?”
Don: “Yep, it’s a staff.”
Devin: “Could it be a very large wand?”
Steve: “It’s a staff infection.”


Mike: “It’d be pretty bad, if I lost initiative to a hallway.”
Steve: “The hallway reacts before you!”

Libby: “I fumbled my knowledge-religion check. ‘Dear whathisname, hear my prayer…’.”

Don: “Cleanliness is next to Peloriness.”

Les: “I’m the guy that devoutly brings chickens to the monastery.”

Mike: “It’s a closet!”
Steve: “This is the worst trap ever.”
Dev: “And yet, we still nearly set it off.”

Steve: “There’ll be no booty-screwing here.”

Les: “So, have we cleared the building yet?”
Dev/Scott: “Yes/No!”
Steve: “I agree.”

Scott: “I don’t remember getting any fluids off anybody…?”

Les: “She’s all knockers!”
Steve: “And threats!”

Scott: “Hey, that was my brother’s steak knife!”
Steve: “It was with the steak we gave him for his 16th birthday!”

Don: “They threw him in a ditch and burned him!”
Dev: “It wasn’t a ditch, it was a spiked pit…”
Steve: “… with a dead horse.”

Les: “You stole a skull?”
Scott: “It was just laying there!”
Dev: “You should have taken the horse’s head.”
Scott: “But you ate that!”

Dev: “How’s the head? Does it look tender?”

Libby: “Blessings of Pelor to you, and all that crap.”


Steve: “It’d be like Teddy Ruxpin gone horribly, horribly wrong!”

Scott: “Can you see me?
Don: “I’m not looking for you.”

Steve: “A jedi walks into a bar. The bartender asks the Bothan: why the long face?”

Don: “A fight?? When did that happen?”

Mike: “The White Zone is for looting and unlooting only.”

Steve: “So what were you playing before you died and became a Jedi?”


Libby: “Mike has to move his legs, because I’m coming under the table.”
-unanimously voted #1 quote of September 15 by The Notable Quotables With Potables, a low-profit organization devoted to wisecracking and the drinking of spirits.

Libby: “Minus 50,000 experience points, you’re now -6th level.”
Dev: “Tonight, you’re playing a fetus.”
Steve: “The good part is, you’ve got 100% cover.”

Libby: “Who’s yo diety?”
Steve: “What’s yo name, who’s you diety, is he rich like me?”

Libby: “I am a Munie.”

Don: “So you know, naked cartoon chicks are better than real naked guys.”

Don: “This man has a great ass.”

Devin: “So… what happened? What just happened?”

Steve/Mike/Don: “Staaaaaaaart over.”

Les: “Doug gets to be a jedi!”


Scott: “So, I can name this ‘sack quiver’?”

Mack: “Herodotus has a 17 Strength.”
Les: “He does??”
Steve: “He has a bowflex.”

Steve: “These temples aren’t going to defile themselves, you know.”

Don: “Basically, the town is next to a river…”
Mack: “The Rhine!”
Don: “OK, the Rhine. Anyway, the humanoids came down from the mountain….”
Mack: “The Rhine-ocerouses!”

Mack (to Dev): “What are you carrying?”
Les: “A baby!”
Dev: “Two, actually.”
Steve: “They’re perfectly balanced throwing babies.”

Don: “I love the History Channel.”
Steve: “But unfortunately, it always repeats itself.”

Libby: “He’s about to club you like a baby seal.”

Steve: “We chum the street!”

Libby: “I’m crawling under the table because I have to go potty.”
Steve: “Please! Go into the bathroom for that!”

Steve: “It’s a ‘Ye Haul’.”

Les: “If everyone’s in the cart, it’s not an ambush.”
Don: “Yes it is!”


Mack: “I’ve dated a few hags.”
Bob: “I didn’t introduce you!”
Steve: “You should never have gone to ‘’.”
Mack: “I thought it was a joke…?”

Les: “Are you worried about pricker-bushes?”
Libby: “I don’t want anything pricking my bush!”

Devin: “We’re going to interrogate the plants.”

Devin: “I can do something with the hand AND cast a spell.”
-long pause-
Bob: “I’mmmmmmm not sure I want to know…”

Devin: “You guys make me wish I was deaf.”

Devin: “I’m sorry for all the times that I’ve killed Doug.”
Mack: “You know, if he wasn’t such an ass, I’d have been first in line to go save him.”
Don: “His assitude is part of his charm!”


Steve: “It put the ‘lean’ in ‘Silenius’.”
Don: “… and you don’t look straight right now.”
Bob: “That’s because of the hat.”

Libby: “You’ll be greeted with bullets and shoes!”


Doug: “We went through a lot of butter and marshmallows that day…”

Dev: “Alright, let’s do it! [pause] Ok, what are we doing?”

Dev: “Bob? I retire!”


Libby: “I promise to kill them with a blow!”
Steve: “Well, that’s an offer they can’t refuse.”

Dev: “Did you hurt yourself on the chocolate?”

Dev: ” Actually, I was wearing my tree colored robe today.”
Steve: “You always look good in those.”
Dev: “I do ok.”

Dev: “I’m not in those shadows, I’m in my shadows.”

Bob: “I’ll be lenient and allow you a Reflex check.”

Bob: “You can roll saves for anything made of… ceramic?”
Libby: “A clay mug… a pot of ink…”
Mack: “A diaphragm?”

Dev: “Do these people know how to do anything but kill and dance?

Steve: “This may be an ambush.”


Doug: I may be clergy, but – buddy!”
Steve: “It looks like he may have been exposed to Smile-X.”

Steve: “Mote check!”

Les: “Fuck no I don’t want any more popcorn!”

Steve: Is there any way I can get back in the forcecage?”


Skip: “We’ll show these Germans how to properly kill our spotter!”

Steve: “I don’t think James Garner would put his name on anything that wasn’t technically accurate.”


Tom: “This is the second time one of my apprentices has gone bad. We had to kill the last one. [pause] Actually, I think we ended up not killing him, we just subdued him roughly.”

Tom: “They’re chaotic whatever.”

Steve: “They’ve declared war on the elves… and high prices!”

Dev: “You know what they need in this game? Two-mile-long millipedes.”

Dev: “I assume that I’m facing number two?”


Bob: “You see what appears to be two humans and a hoe.”
Don: “So, three humans?”

Steve: “Those graves aren’t going to vandalize themselves, you know!”


Heather: “My experience with the freshman boys in our dorm was pretty unpleasant.”

Libby: “Can you cast “Inspire Competence” on yourself?”
Bob: “He doesn’t have that spell.””

Dev: “Is it getting warm?”
Doug: “Only when I’m peeing on it.”

Dev: “One less eye!”

Steve: “Ashrem’s best pickup line? ‘You look like you could use an injection of Vitamin A!’.”


Steve: “I can’t believe this plan didn’t work!”
Bob: “It’s a night of Critical!”

Steve: “There’s a lot of good eatin’ on a gnome.”

Libby: “Can I see him?”
Bob: “I would say yes.”
Steve: “She can’t see me.”
Bob: “I would say… no!”

Steve: “Wait until they see our Nadz!”

Steve: “You fall for your own illusions!”

Bob: “It’s hard to miss an 11′ gnome running along a river bank.”
Mike: “Three 11′ gnomes!”

Libby: “Let’s go to the gnome village, I’m sure there’s a party of gnome adventurers there.”
Les: “Get that four-foot pole and let’s go!”
Steve: “I’ve got 20′ of rope!”

Steve: I want to put this 9 Strength to could use.”

Steve: “I’m sick of picking on people my own size.”


Steve: “You know what they say: you don’t drink fire amber, you only rent it.”

Devin: “Bob, even though this is going to sound like it doesn’t make sense, I’m going to say it anyway…”

Don: “You sure got a pretty helmet.”


Skip: “Our spotter couldn’t spot the other spotter.”

Steve: “It’s a respect thing!”


Steve: “My Kingdom for a lame move!”


Doug: “Nads is interested in the bag.”

Steve: It’s like a bizaaro-world Twizzler’s commercial!”

Doug: “My training on the Currant River has finally paid off!”

Bob: “Your chest feels like it’s five sizes too large.”
Les: “Puberty’s a bitch.”


Steve: “Your dog has a bow??”

Steve: “Oh, sure, Mr. Fancy Two-Digit Initiative Roll!”

Devin: “Weee! I mean, yes!”

Devin: “There’s a reason why Bards are Bards.”


Bob: “Who are those guys?”
Skip: “Medium horse.”
Bob: “Well, they just got hit with a 28-point Fireball.”
Steve: “Now, they’re medium-well horse.”

Steve: “100 guys just fumbled!”


Steve: “Hey, we’ve all stepped away from our porn for the night!”
Les: “But I’m hooked on the hot lesbo action!”

Devin: “I hate those wily jerks!”

Steve: “Something tells me Entangle’s not going to work on these things…”

Devin: “Don, it’s time to deploy your gelatinous cube forces.”

Devin: “If you were really good, you wouldn’t need such a large horde.”


Bob: “You’ve got a stringed instrument in the jungle? That’s not good.”

Mack: “So, you just want to catch up to the guys in the back?”

Mack: “It’s ‘Mo-roneous’.”

Mack (to Don): “I’m going to ask this question one more time, and then I’m going to backstab you…”

Devin: “‘Muppets From Space’ was a great movie.”

Mack: “I’m going to remove the arrow from her ass – that’s a free action, by the way.”
Libby: “I can’t believe you shot me.”
Mack: “You don’t know it was me!”
Libby: “I heard you say ‘doh!'”

Libby: “…and there’s a human with a bleeding ear and an arrow in her ass!”


Devin: “I can pick off their leader.”
Les: “That’s our leader.”

Les: “You, ah, going to be bringing up the army, Don?”
Don (from other room): “We’re on the way!”

Bob: “Roll against dizziness.”

Bob (to Doug): “You’re just spinning around, unless you tell me different.”
Steve: (to Doug): “Tell him different!”


Dev: “The cheese is on the table!”

Devin: “Don – ask him about his gay outfit.”
Don: “Tell us, good Sir, about your joyous apparel!”


Paul: “Hey – where did you get all these pennies??”

Don: “Don’t mount me.”

Les: “Do you want to borrow my tube-thing?”


Steve: What’s the movement rate?
Don: “One inch equals… one inch.”
Steve: “I can’t remember that!”


Bob: “He – understandably – has been beaten nearly to death.”

Don: “Dear diary: the small elf is fun, and very receptive!”

Mack: “I’ve never been this far south.”
Bob: “For you, this is east.”
Dev: “We’ve never been this far east!”

Les: “Heather has a sister??”

Libby: “They’re gnolls… the G is silent.”


Steve: We’re ‘old-school’ dead!”
Libby: “We were dead before dead was cool.”
Devin: “I’m alive, but I’m not very useful.”

Mack: “We’ll tie her up and do her first.”

Steve: “Oh sure, get impaled a few times, suddenly everyone thinks you’re a wuss.”

Devin: “You know, Scrooge sorta looks like an old woman.”

Steve: “They’re called Medu-sirs.”

Libby: “Maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll be a succubus…?”


Steve: “Tuesday is “wine into water” day!”

Don: “When I reincarnate you, you’re assured of coming back as something taller.”

Steve: [in Captain Quint from Jaws voice] “The pond is a harsh mistress.”

Bob [to Heather]: “…so here’s the big question: what are you wearing?”

Bob: “Listen Gilligan, it ain’t going to happen.”

Doug: “I’m going to sit here, eat raisins, and fart some more – hey, we do what we can.”


Bob: “How wide do you think you are? Are you wide like a goat? Do your ribs stick out?”

Heather: “Let’s see if I have a whip!”

Bob: “Oh, sure, you can escape out of this, go ahead!”

Heather: “When I see this coming at his ass… I have improved evasion…?”

Steve: “You know, in your present state, you might just snap back like that memory-form stuff!”

Les: “She’s conscious, just waiting for death.”

Steve: “Four legs good, two legs bad.”


Skip: “I realize I have my monkey, and I spank it.”
Doug: “Don’t spank your monkey, you’ll go blind… oop, you already ARE blind.”

Bob: “The dog bites you in the nuts, because it’s not a dog, it’s a wolf, dammit.”

Bob: “You see several creatures that seem like walking gloom… which rhymes with ‘doom’…”

Don: “Blind man down! Blind man down!”

Libby: “Marco!”

Skip: “Aw, man, I’m a halfling’s bitch.”

Bob: “Nooo… shall we discuss this again?”

Bob: “Jackass: The Adventuring Party!”


Dev: “‘Oh no’ rhymes with ‘Chrono’!”
Skip: “We’re up against three demons, and Kerrick.”
Les: “Kerrick?? I thought you were on our team!”
Steve: “Free agent!”

Mack: “I think that is exactly the kind of moxie that Correllon appreciates!”

Heather: “We’ve got two magic users, a fighter, and… Heian.”

Don: “Tecumseh! Drop your weapon or… uh, I’ll have to die by that!”

Devin: “Which way am I oriented?”

Steve: “Man, that’d be a buttload of irony, wouldn’t it?”


Heather: I think Devin’s in my hol- portable hole.”

Devin: “I’m sacrificing my livelihood to come here and be dead!”

Mack: “I have Bull Strength, Cat’s Grace, Gaseous Combat, and Extra-Pissed-Off Gaseous-Form Fighting. Basically, I’ve been training my entire life for this moment.”


Don: “You’ll either do my bidding, or do something else!”

Bob: “The monkey says, “screw the tiger!”
Don: “And the other says, “Do we have time?””

Bob: “Wiggy is taking up the entire hallway, swinging wildly with a battle axe.”
Heather: “A magic battleaxe!”

Heather: “I guess I’m going to lay there and take it then.”


Bob: “Is anyone here non-Good?”
Skip: “Ahhhh… define ‘good’.”

Libby: “Does anyone need anything from upstairs?”
Dev: “Yeah, how about some hit points?”

Libby: “I smell fruity.”

Devin: “Oh shoot! Is it too late to do something??”

Bob: “I’m cruel, but I’m fair.”


Mack: “Aren’t you DEAD??”

Libby: “What is your helmet made out of?”

Devin: “I’ll probably say something like ‘ahhhhhaahhhhhhhhh’.”

Les: “Vampire Shadow dragon?”
Dev: “I wish!”

Libby: “I’d like to see the concentration check he makes wearing an ethereal beholder as a hat!”

Steve: “…and when he’s mad, it’s Aedrie H Fenya!”

Bob: “Every once in while, I rule in your favor. Of course, it’s very rare.”

Steve: “I just wanted to note that Don said he was going up and down slowly on the magic shaft.”
Don: “Well, someone had to!”

Steve: “There’s your book back, Doug.”

Bob: “Two of them are hanging on you.”
Devin: “That’s going to be a problem.”


Heather: “That was the second most painful boot experience in my life!”
Mack: “Just curious – what was the first?”

Steve: “I’ve never had to make a vomit check before.”
Devin: “I’m wincing heroically!”
Steve: “That’s it – drag him into the vomit.”

Devin: “Nothing like a good corpse-nibbling.”

Devin: “Uh, I’m the cloaked tiger-guy.”

Bob (during initiative rollcall): “12, 11, 10, 9…”
Steve: “You’re getting into ‘Kerrick Country’ now.”

Steve: “Stupid zen wheel!”


Don: “OK, I stop materializing!”

Libby: “I rolled a natural 30!”

Don: “Good Drow down! Good Drow down!”


Heather: “Can a hellhound open a door?”
Steve: “Sure – there’s a pet door.”

Heather: “My bush is going after your gnoll!”

Paul: “One time, my dad…”
Heather: “At band camp?”

Steve: “That bush is deadly!”

Paul: “Girls only throw snowballs.”

Heather: “Your hot breath damaged my mound!”

Les: “Paul?”
Paul: (pause) “Bathroom!”


Heather (to Doug): “Are you stoned?”

Bob: “I assume that you pillaged the bodies?”
Steve: “I can’t believe we didn’t, we don’t miss many pillaging opportunities.”

Les: “I’m becoming an Outsider.”
Heather: “Because you’ve been away so long?”

Heather: “What’s the name of this community, anyway?”
Skip: “East St. Myrmidon.”

Bob: “You find there are several clerics of Bahamut here.”
Steve: “Are they impressed with my ten-foot spear?”

Heather: “What will meat buy us down here?”


Steve: “Maybe they’re just passive aggressive.”

Steve (Referring to herd of grazing animals): “Throw down your lichens or we attack!”

Doug (to Skip): “Aren’t you just the Ecumenical Master?”
Steve (throws pen down): “You’ve actually used a quote I can’t spell!”

Steve (referring to drow female’s immediately seeing through lame story-line): “What – she’s not buying this?!”

Bob: “You guys both got 6 for initiative?!”
Steve: “Hey, we’re rangers!”

Steve (immediately after Libby’s bard fells a huge ogre single-handedly): “That still only counts as one!”

Heather: “The halfling pops up out of her hole again…”
Steve: “… sees her shadow, and there’s six more weeks of winter.”

Don: “Luckily, the warg had a mini-bar in the barrel around its neck, mixes a cocktail, and brings the goblin back to life…”

Don: “Because when I think of Heather, I think ‘naive.'”

Bob (referring to Heather’s halfing’s wearing of warg tail & pelt): “Willa enters the room looking like one of the Lost Boys…”

Libby (referring to the two puppies playing in Don’s basement): They’re both chewing on the carpet…”
Steve: “Coincidentally, that’s the set-up for my favorite lesbian joke…”


Dev: “Do I need to make a conscience check to see if I care?”

Dev: “Is it an… evil fog? Like the fog that turns you inside out”
Steve: “Or like the fog that Heian gives off?”

Bob: “You got anything labeled ‘D’ for ‘Death’?”

Bob: “Chrono, which way are you looking?”
Dev: “I’m looking every way.”

Dev: “If I lose any more levels, my amulet will work again!”

Dev: “22… which is higher than 20.”

Bob: “Basically. it’s not even a long sword, it’s a short sword, and without a point.”
Steve: “Which is a metaphor for our party.”


Don: “Lose and learn.”

Steve: “Gnome Recruit? He’s a baaaaad mutha-“
Les: “Shut your mouth!”
Steve: “Just talkin’ ’bout Gnome Recruit!”
Les: “I can dig it.”

Steve: “He went out in a blaze of chiffon.”

Les: “Is he still up?”
Don: “Oh, yeah.”
Les: “Oh, noooo…”

Steve: “I’m getting caught up in ‘Felldrake Fever’!”

Don: “Where’s my harpy?”
Les: (pause) “She’s at home.”

Paul: “I’m flinching! I mean – flanking!”

Paul: “You mean that bone only does 5 points of damage??”


Steve: “Try to look defenseless.”
Mack: “We call that the ‘Ashrem welcome’.”

Mack: “8 Charisma be damned!”

Les: “Everyone is SO willing to put my liege in harm’s way.”
Steve: “Well, YOU’RE not doing it!”

Mack: “Is this Corellon’s bathroom?”


Devin: “These potions of water breathing, what do they do?”
Bob: “The let you breath water!”
Devin: “Nothing else?”
Doug: “Who’s the mage here, anyway??”

Mack: “Are there any coins or something that say “In the Master We Trust?”

Steve: “Isn’t it about time for another Liad species-change?”

Mack: “Did you say we see a ‘ripple’ or a ‘nipple’?”

Steve: “It’s society’s fault!”

Liad: “Oh, sure, you got the Bard back, you don’t need the Pixie anymore.”
Libby: “We’re just trading one fairy for another.”

Les: “If I’m going to take damage, I’m going to get up there and swing something!”

Mack: “Just give him the old gelatinous boot sandwich!”

Libby: “Naga in the hole!”


Les: “It’s Edward short-sword hands!”

Bob: “If you don’t have the equipment, don’t try to do the job!”

Don: “Silence, NPC!”

Doug: “Ah, make me a peanut.”


Mack: “Ok, Bob, that’s what we’re doing!”
Bob: “You would normally be interfered with my the thoughts of your party, but the last couple of hours have shown that they obviously have no thoughts at all.”
Steve: “Well, at least they’re not distracting me.”

Heather: “I show him my whip and I tell him that I demand answers!”

Steve: “Now go forth, and do no good!”

Mack: “What’s your intelligence?” Devin: “Not enough.”

Don: “Hey! We’ve made it past hundreds of drow tonight!”

Bob: “It’s like… the French.”

Steve: “He’s got a +5 Rag of Wiping.”

Devin: “They’re not just undead… they’re FUNdead.”


Mack: “…plus, drow snot is bioluminescent!”

Mack: “Three elves, a half-elf and a pixie go into a drow bar…”

Wiggy: “I think I’m going to get me a whip and then something to eat.”

Steve: “Drows levitate all the time.”
Mack: “They “DROWvitate!

Heather: “I require someone to stay with me.”
Devin: “I stay with her.”
Skip: “Whoooa, Chrono, trying to get busy with the Wig…?


Don: “So, Tecumseh and Wiggy are banging away…”

Steve: “We had a high energy prop bard…”

Mack: “In two hours, I must have seen 7000 boobs.”
Steve: “Ironically, at the same time the Playboy Channel had a special on Charlemagne.”

Devin: “Hey, saying I’m going to delay’ is way better than saying ‘I’m doing nothing’.”

Heather: “If he’s stuck in the hole, I’m shoving him through.”

Devin: “Killing stuff? That’s what I do best.”

Bob: “Ok… you guys holding hands?”

Bob: “It’s the pixie army!”

Devin: “You stupid, stupid ranger.”


Bob: “I don’t want to know what your dreams are, because they aren’t going to happen.”

Mack: “These guys are fairly sophisticated, OK?”

Mack: “Are you saying we didn’t surprise them??”

Les: “I didn’t expect to be animating dead until tomorrow…?”


Les: “That was some GOOD missing!”

Steve: “Hello, is there a “‘Mikhail Hunt’ here?”

Les: “Lose 2000 xp for hitting on my wife!”

Steve: “I declare jihad on Mike’s crotch!”


Steve: “Viscum, party of five?”

Don, regarding Doug’s resurrection: “It wasn’t something that was to the benefit of the party, it was just something I felt that had to be done.”

Zoe: “Uuuhn?”

Bob: “So, you’re just running around with your arms up, slinging offal like a monkey?”

Steve: “I think Bob’s compensating for a lack of miniatures by just making everything invisible.”


Steve: “Give me a few minutes and I’ll try again.”

Mack: “This has never happened to me before.”


Les: (regarding the landing craft) “You only get one action…”
Steve: “Then you have to set a course for adventure and your eye on a new romance – that’s two actions, I think.”

Les: “Well, he’s got 11 cards to your seven, his units are probably smaller…”
Steve: “Hey! I’m a little sensitive about that!”

Mike: ” He’s too legit to quit!”
Les: “That was my MC Hammer impression.”
Steve: “It was more liken an M.C. Escher impression.”

Steve: “His original name was McViscum!”

Devin: “It’s like some delicious Circle of Death!”

Steve: “To the victor go the calories!”

Steve: “I hear there’s trouble in Hommlet…?”
Bob: “There’s always trouble in Hommlet.”

Don: “Ladies first.” Pause. “Chrono?”


Heather: “Whatever you do, don’t eat me.”

Skip: “I have a minor dilemma.”

Les: “Really, there isn’t a woman alive that likes having a man inside her.”

Steve: “And WHY is this undone??”

Bob: “You begin to see statues…”
Don: “Basilisks!”
Bob: “The statues are on pedestals…”
Don: “GAY basilisks!”

Heather: “The Temple of DEATH??”

Heather: “Do you think I have darkvision?”


Heather: “I’m going down.”
Bob: “There were a lot of guys in high school that wanted to hear that.”

Devin: “Five ones – that’s 1 in 3, 200,000.”


Les: “Take 4 points ‘crick’ damage!”

Les: “Anyone else get hurt sleeping?”

Mack: “There’s nothing worse than drow farts.”

Mack: “Power Word: Kablammo!”

Don: “Oh god! I’ve lost the shit!”

Don: “You’re not expendable, exactly – I just wish you were dead.”

Steve: “You’ve killed Ashrem! You bastards!”

Devin: “Hey – be ready to kill me.” Steve: “I always am.”

Don: “I’m better at listening!” Mack: “How could you be worse?”

Mack: “Hey – they don’t call it Dungeons and Kobolds!”


Bob: “The Bard is here.”
Don: “No party has ever said, ‘Oh, good! The Bard is here!'”

Devin: “It says here we have to consult GM on this before we can use it.”
Steve: “And they’re all the way in Detroit!”

Steve: “A ball of flame, you say? Now what spell could that be…”

Bob: “You all do see some arrows start to come flying at you.”
Devin: “Do they appear to be very well shot?”

Steve: “Do something drow!”

Doug: “Well, at least I died on my own terms.”

Mack: “…and I’m invisible! And I’m bulletproof! And I kill them all!”

Devin: “I got your back, brother!”

Skip: “I assume that Heian is running away…?”
Don: “No! I’m scouting ahead!”

Devin: “I’m tackling his legs! That’s how elves tackle people.”

Steve: “Doesn’t he get some minuses for being all dead and everything?”

Devin: “How many rocks can there be in the cave?”

Steve: “There some fat dudes in those tanks!”

Steve: “It’s you moment to strike!

Mike: “He’s headed up “Coward Hill.”
Steve: “I believe it’s called ‘Mt. Craven’ by the locals.”

Tom: “Those Brits are firing a .303 round… hell, I shit bigger than that.”


Mack: to Heather: “You want a man with a SLOW mage hand.”

Les: “He still owes me from all those times I brought him back from the dead.”
Mack: “And now, you’ve brought him back from the dumb!”

Mack: “This is like the Dealy Plaza of the campaign.”

Steve: “I hope I’m “Dumb” at least.”

Les: “Hey! Save it for Arena night!”

Devin: “How about a Cudgel of Mind Control?”
Bob: “I hit you in the head, you do what I want!”

Skip: “It sounds like a door.”

Bob: ” A pool dominates the room.”
Devin: “A poodle??”

Mack: “You see a large, bell-shaped area.”

Mack: “Man, his god sucks!”


Heather: “Do we need to clear the board?”
Steve: “Nah, Bob’ll take care of that.”

Heather: “It’s a monkey-dragon!”

Skip: “So, Devin, you’ve killed a monkey and a bear so far.”
Devin: “And I’ve still got two lightning bolts left.”
Steve: “He’s going after a raccoon next, to complete the set.”


Steve: “Now Devin can squat and blast at the same time.”

Steve: “I guess I shouldn’t have rubbed those balloons on my head before casting that.”

Don: “Steve! Stop being helpful!”

Bob: “Well, he’s basically been beaten senseless in a quiet environment.”

Devin: “I lash out with happiness.”

Mack: “OK – everyone remember where we parked.”

Bob: ” I’m just sitting here waiting to see what you’re going to do, I’m sure it’s going to be brilliant…”

Heather: “Am I still in one of these heads?”

Heather: “Mmmmmmm!!”

Steve: “They’re Kelly monks!”


Les: “The fate of the party – once again – resides in Devin’s hands.”
Steve (to Bob): “I’m rolling up a new character.”

Mack: “What we need a good, old-fashioned, Fascist book burning.”

Devin: “Do you think WE work for the Master?”

Mack: “All we’re taking with us is salt and liquor.”

Devin: “I can kill all of us now – I have FIREBALL!”


Steve: “That feeling of relief that Wiggy had…?”
Skip: “Gas.”

Les: “We’re GOOD with pigs!”

Bob: “Take those M & M’s and put them on on top of him.”

Mack: “Did you guys know that you can pull this thing’s butt out?”

Mack: “Don’s guy is going to have to go on a combat diet.”

Don: “C’mon! C’mon!! [pause] Ow! Good one.”

Doug: “I take out my instrument and try to charm them.”


Bob: “I love campaigns this small!”

Mack: “Don is the Brussels of our party – we do all the fighting, he does all the cleanup.”

Devin: “He’s your liege?” Les: “Yeah.” Devin: “That sucks.”

Devin: “Where’s the love??”

Devin: “Maybe these guys are really great leapers…?”

Steve: “Remember – there is no ‘I’ in ‘Team’.”

Devin: “Let’s go!”

Don: “More light always helps… to, uh, see things…”

Steve: “Man, that was a buttload of wrath.”

Devin: “We could always sell it to someone…?”
Don: “Sure – if you have no ethics, no honor!” Devin: “I don’t.”

Mack: “Praise Dorkus!”


Steve: “My name is Crazy McDeathwish!”

Devin: “I don’t trust the cider.”

Bob: “Ooh! Boxcars!”

Don: “One night with Wiggy, and I’ve got crabs.”

Steve: “There’s 20 first level fighters…”
Don: “They’re 21st level??”

Mack: “Put on your orc getup…?”

Devin: “What are the odds that I get a 20?”
Steve: “Um, 1 in 20.”


Don: “I will never understand humans.”
Steve: “You slants are a barrel of laughs, too.”

Guardsman: “For a gold piece, you’ll be protected from unsavory sorts…”
Steve: [points at Skip] “We bring our own unsavory sorts with us, thanks.”

Steve: “It’s like a Hooter’s!”

Steve: “Hey! That’s our best eatin’ donkey.”

Bob: “Well, there’s a humanoid army out there somewhere…”
Steve: “Yes, and then, there’s the KISS army…”


Mack: “Devin’s been dead so many times that the smell has stayed with him.”
Doug: “His holy symbol’s a little pine tree!”

Heather: “We need some vinegar – we’ve got some pretty heavy build-up here.”

Steve: “I take out my wand.”

Devin: “If you die, tell ’em you know me. I’m a regular there.”
Steve: “Yeah, the afterlife – where everyone knows your name.”

Mack: “Any woman that every sleeps with Devon has to make a fortitude check.”

Devin: “I want that bow… but I’ll wait until you die.”

Doug: “The clearest shot I have is against that Santa Clause thing.”
Devin: “That’s me!”

Bob: “Take another three points of damage for not listening!”

Heather: “Plus one ear damage!”

Devin: “Tactics is my strong point.”


Steve (to Heather, standing over Don’s body): “Now’s a good time to get your bow.”

Devin: “I want to be one of these… a flaming dwarf!”

Bob: “I can’t see what you’re doing because I can’t see past the s’mores dish.”

Steve: “They’re going to make an elf-kabob!”

Bob: “You’re going to love this one.”

Steve: “It’s like a mosh pit in there!”

Devin: “Can I move into the room? I won’t try to hit anything.”

Mack: “Bob, how do you spell ‘kablammo’?’


Mike: I roll for radio.. [rolls]…”
Les: “What’s the message?”
Skip “You missed!”

Steve: “You call that a CLEAR shot?”


Steve: “We’re going to be equipping ourselves at ‘Everything’s A Goldpiece’.”

Mack: “We are the Navy Seals of Greyhawk.”

Devin: “Do I have a clean shot at anyone?” Don: “Liad.”

Mack: “Does the gauntlet have… six fingers??”

Don: “I think you should give Devin the sack as a helmet.”

Steve: “This armor is SO constricting!”


Heather: “Something smells like a wet dragon.”

Don: “I think, therefore I fly.”

Steve: We always put Skip up on a pedestal.” Don: “He’s easier to hit that way.”

Steve: “Hey! Back it up, buddy – there’s enough cleric for all of us.”

Steve: “It’s a Wiggy-Be-Good stick!”

Bob: “200 gold pieces? That’s half a warhorse, you moron.”

Don: “WHERE are my FEET??”

Heather: “It’s a woman’s bow!”
Steve: “Yes, it’s curved for her pleasure.”

Steve (Devin): “You’re more intelligent than I am!”
Don: “Yeah, and so’s my character.”

Steve: “It’s pimp-daddy Liad!”

Skip/Heather/Don: “Throw him/it into the sack!”

Steve: “I’ve already had one nasty dead-rabbit-related surprise.”
Les: “It’s a French sasquatch.”
Mike: “They’re the worst kind!”
Steve: “Yeah, they’re elusive AND rude.”

Steve: “These guys, they can either shoot, or move forward and expose themselves…”

Skip: “He got to the cheese.”


Steve: “In the past, we’ve had human barbarians, and Dwarven nobility, and all of us got along…”
Don: “Well, they both live the same way.”

Steve: “It’s Greyhawk’s longest suspension bridge!”

Steve: “There’s naked chicks EVERYWHERE!”

Bob: “The Dragonteeth with soon be impassible.”
Les: “Because of winter?”
Steve: “That, and construction.”

Steve: “I NEED a masterwork backpack!”

Heather: “I’ve only got a charisma of 9.”
Devin: “Maybe it’s not that you’re ugly, maybe you’ve just got gas.”

Devin: “How do I earn tokens to get to the other parts of the city?”
Steve: “Alter your DNA.”

Heather: “I may be ugly, but I’ve got moves.”

Steve: “Chrono’s spellbook even has a foreword by Steven King.”

Devin: “So you have to wear a magic ring on your finger for it to work?”
Steve: “You could wear it on a chain, but that just means you’re promised.”

Steve: “What’s the name of this module? The ‘Vault of Sub-Plots’??”


Tim: “You fell so far down that crevasse your alignment started to change.”

Mack: “So what was so big about that?”

Les: “Now I’m officially in ass-kicking mode!” (at which point 3 more foes arrived)

Mack: “Stranger things have happened… tonight!”

Bob: “Devin – you know all those people that were between you and the orcs? They’re gone.”

Steve: “We’re all going to wake up in an orc village.”
Heather: “Yeah, I’ll end up being the orc-whore!”

Mack: “I’m going to take my bread and fashion it into a rudimentary glaive.”


Steve: “These guys can smell hit points like blood in the water.”

Steve: “This is the second combat I’ve ended up laying around uselessly… sometimes, I feel like I’m playing the Body in ‘Clue’.”

Les: “You’re a Zen Master of bleeding.”
Steve: “It’s like a prestige class: the Corpse.”

Heather: “We eat the goats!”
Steve: “We tie them up.”
Doug: “They can drag something.”
Bob: “They’re just goats.”

Doug: “I take a single step into the hut.”
Bob: “You hear nothing.”
Doug: “I take a second step into the hut.”
Les “Roll for initiative!”
Steve: “Are you wearing a helmet?”

Steve: “My weasel stays where it’s at, thank you very much.”


Mack: “Don’t make us anesthetize you!”

Bob: “Minus five experience points for reminding Devin!”

Steve: By the law of averages, it’s gotta work sometime.”

Mack: “I’m still trying to figure out what it is about you that’s useful.”
Steve: “That’s all part of the mystique that is me.”

Steve: “We’re going to miss out on all the looting!”

Don: “What second trail?”

Devin: “Couldn’t your god do something??”

Steve: “You want to be at least… third level, before you take on a god.”
Mack: “And you want to have a plan, too.”

Don: “It’s getting hard to disbelieve that…”

Devin: “There are guys in the woods with crossbows.”
Steve: “Yeah, with laser sights, apparently.”


Doug: “You better have more credentials than just a bald head!”

Les: “This is starting to sound like dialogue from a gay porn movie.”

Doug: “Are we going the right way?”
Bob: “Without a doubt, no question, you think you’re going the right way.”

Don: “I knew of a barbarian who lost his hand… he felt quite worthless.”

Don: “I still think they’re an illusion!”

Don: “What’d you roll?”
Doug: “A one.”
Don: “That’s three in a row!”


Bob: “When you put the torch to him, he goes up pretty quick.”

Mack (to Heather): “How are you set for spells?”
Heather: “I’m well stacked!”

Steve: “Ex-Paladins always go in the back.”

Les: “It was a total loss of pucker-factor.”
Mack: “Where I come from, we call that a ‘containment breach’.”

Bob: “Holy CRAP!”
Les: “Um, guys, did Bob just say ‘holy crap’?”

Mack: “It’s an ettin-ette!”

Steve: “…and to our horror, we find that Usoab wears a thong.”

Doug: “Salt! Where’s the salt!?”

Heather: “There will be NO gnome-tossing, OK??”

Mack: “I knew he should have put you up his butt!”

Devin: “How tough can a dragon be?”
Steve: “They get top billing in the game! They don’t call it ‘Dungeons and Stirges’!”

Steve: “‘Dragon’?? We thought you said ‘Flagon’!”

Mack: “If anyone makes it out of this alive, I vote that we immediately impeach Don.”

Devin: “I’m appalled.”

Doug: “What is this… ‘fire-amber’?”
Devin: “That’s wine, you know, for our victory.”


Skip: “Whatcha talking bout, Usoab?”

Devin: “You’re in the right left corner!”

Don: “What about the Henchmen? Weren’t they miners?”
Tim: “No, they were minors!”
Les: “Yeah, we had to buy their ales back at the inn.”
Bob: “You lost me.”

Bob: “Jade, roll a spot check.”
Jade: “Four!”
Bob: “You guys are never going to find this place!”

Tim: “There’s just puke pouring out of nothingness? That’s like a bulimic’s nightmare!”

Don: “Any of our clerics carry holy water?”
Les: “We’re not those kind of clerics.”

Les: “How do we know these weren’t the gnolls we killed?”
Steve: “They can’t be – these were killed right.”

Steve: “Next module!”

Don: “You’re in the lead! I’ll do it! Get out of the way! I’ll open the door!”

Don: “We got two doors – which one?”
Les: “Let’s go in the one behind us… (silence) um, my map might be a little different from yours.”

Bob: “The foot is not evil.”
Don: “It’s the Foot of Vecna!”

Doug: “Never argue with the DM… no matter how wrong he is.”


Doug: “I’m a minister, for Chrissakes!”

Don: “..definitely not a Kobold, definitely not a Kobold…”

Heather: “He’s not stupid, but he did arrive on the ‘short-carriage’.”

Mack: “Devin’s conducting Detect Evil on his lunch these days.”
Steve: “Get thee behind me, Sandwich!”

Les: “Once you go gnome, you never go home.”
Don: “Yeah, you’re too ashamed.”

Mack: “Hey, what’s going on?”
Skip: “Buncha lesbians out here having a weenie roast.”


Steve: “I heard there was only a 20% chance of evil today!”

Bob: “Are you unconscious? Because if you are unconscious, I need to know that.”

Steve: “When I think of combat… I touch myself.”
Mack: “You know, I always forget how repulsive you guys are.”

Bob: “You see four horsemen in the distance…”
Mack: “Yeah, this is death, this is pestilence…”
Steve: “This is annoyance, and this is flatulence!”

Steve: “I could have had a d8!”

Devin: “Dwarves aren’t that cool… [to Skip] no offense.”

Mack: “Well, Bob, I think we’ve effectively slipped out of town…”

Mack: “Guys, I consider this to be acceptable losses.”

Don: “We know you’re going to make it down, what we don’t know is how hard you’re going to hit.”


Heather “It’s like weekend at Bernies!”

Steve: “We hate them for the silent ‘G’!”

Heather: “That can’t be ‘Rastor’-worthy…?”

Bob: “It – obviously – doesn’t work.”


Bob: “You hear a male scream coming from the boat.”
Mack: “Well, it can’t be the thief, who else is in there?”

Doug: “Damn 501’s!”

Steve: “I took a little damage, and I feel like crap!”

Steve: “I tell Alidon that I feel like I’ve been touched by something unnatural again.”

Mack: “Well, we thought that the middle of the night would be the best time to start a flaming inferno.”

Lareth: “I get disturbed by people ALL the TIME!”

Bob:”… it is, very obviously, an evil place.”
Steve: “It’s really no more evil than Frank Lloyd Wright’s later stuff.”

Bob: “23 for initiative – what do you do?”
Don: “I hide.”

Devin: “Screw the bodies!”
Don: “Do we have time?”

Don: “How many are there?”
Bob: “A lot. More than you can count.”

Steve: “Oh, good! The wagon’s still here!”

Doug: “I’m not taking orders from you, Mr. ‘I can hit anything with an arrow – including my balls’!”


Devin: “I can’t. I’m too slow.”

Doug: “Usaob doesn’t know crap.”

Devin: “And they were VERY evil.”

Devin: “Does anyone want to put a couple of arrows in these evil guys as they leave?”

Steve: “Doug used to be able to detect undead four or five times a night.”

Doug: “I’m warming up the secret handshake.”

Steve: “Dwarf down! Dwarf down!”

Doug: “Bob, I don’t know what you’re flashing me.”

Doug: “I got knocked up.”

Steve: “Out of my way! The gnome might need me!”

Bob: “I get to do what I want. You’re the only one left.”

Don: (To Devin) “Duh! We didn’t kill it.”

Mac: (To Penumbra who is in the river) “Throw me the idol; I throw you the whip!”

Steve: “Yeah. Getting cut in half would have been better for me.”

Steve: “You got off easy, lucky bastard.”

Heather: “We’ll just lay you over.”

Devin: “Does anyone have a healing thingy?”

Doug: “Kord, be with me ’cause nobody else is.”

Steve: “Stupid undead.”
Skip: “Welcome to the club.”


Heather: “All I can do is smack you with a stick.”

Bob: “What are the odds of that?”
Skip: “Well, with you DM’ing…?”

Don: “Do they look kinda… dead?”

Bob: “It’s kind of an initiative roll. Kind of.”

Steve: “I got a gnome on my back – get her off, get her off!”

Don: “There must be 50 soldiers in that cart!”

Les: “Of course Shaggy was on drugs – c’mon, the little beard…?”
Don: “You mean like yours?”

Bob: “Where’s Jade?”
Steve: “She’s back in Hommlet, getting a hot Spoonwar injection.”


Steve: “If the armor doesn’t fit, you must acquit!”

Steve: “Apparently you haven’t heard of the infamous ‘Hommlet Massacre’.”

Mack: “This mission is one thing, but I don’t believe for a minute that he’s trying to do anything but get in that barmaid’s pants.”

Don: “Tarp Inspector!”

Steve: “We’re gonna party like it’s 1499!”

Devin: “I stand watch for a while, and then I fall asleep.”

Devin: “Time for me to turn on the ol’ Paladin charm!”

Don: “Excuse me. [pause] See how that works?”

Skip: “The last time I tried Animal Friendship, I almost got beheaded by a renegade ferret.”

Mack: “Bubbleboy is in the building!”

Devin: “I think we’re going to make it, guys!”

Devin: “Hey – what happened to you?”
Skip: “No support.”

Mack: “Ok, let’s all try not to have any gnome sex for the rest of the trip.”


Steve: “We’ll out-evil ’em!”

Les: “Penumbra got stoned!”
Skip: “And the bastard didn’t share!”
Don: “But now we have our “fake Obelisk…”

Les: “Penumbra was one of the last of the ‘Original Party!’ Only he and Ulfgar were left.”
Bob: “And I’ll get him in just a minute…”

Skip: “What’s the worst that can happen?”
Les: “Well, we could all end up in the same grave as Penumbra.”
Don: “At least we’d have a headstone.”
Les: “Yep, it’d say ‘here lies the stupidest party ever’.”

Les: “I hope they were subtle…”
Don: “Well, they slew one stableboy.”

Les: “How much trouble can we get in sitting in a druid’s house cutting up a doppelganger’s body?”


Steve: “Once you go dwarf, you never go back.”

Steve: “And as you prance around detecting evil, you find that you also have “Detect Redneck” skill…”

Les: “Tim was a very bad paladin.”
Steve: “But a great assassin!”

Bob: “What armor?”
Don: “Hide.”
Steve: “We wanted to know your armor, not what you do best.”

Les: “Does this mean the Mill raid is off??”

Heather: “4.”
Bob: what was your original roll??”
Heather: “5.”
Mack: “And that was her best option!”

Mack: “I always thought that rescue missions were supposed to have some measure of panache.”

Devin: “You just WAIT till my bubble gets over there!”

Steve: “…it’s a free-range gelatinous cube!”

Bob: “The guardsmen ask, what would you like to drink?”
Steve: “Potion of Cure Serious.”

Skip: “Rape, pillage and plunder!”
Les: “Rape, pillage and blunder?”
Skip: “Plunder.”
Bob: “Yeah, the blundering is a given.”

Heather: “I sense that the lock is trapped.”
Devin: “I sense that the lock is EVIL!”


Mack: “God, I’m sorry, I thought we’d brought a cleric with us.”

Steve: “Fake doors nearly always lead to nothing.”

Mack: “C’mon guys, these are wandering monsters! How bad could they be?”
Skip: “Yeah – it’s a family of werewolves, with a vampire father.”
Don: “Once again, I take out the old guy!”

Bob: “You feel the ground start to move…”
Mack: “What’s her name?”

Bob: “You hear a high pitched female scream.”
Les: “It’s not me this time!”

Mack: “Roll for a food check!”

Steve: “… but Bob’s favorite wandering monster is still the undead rust monster – you lose levels and armor at the same time!”

Don: “We don’t want the meat, we just want the stuff.”
Les: “You know, this is really our first effort to parley.”
Bob: “Ant creatures do not listen!”

Doug: “Maybe it mates first, and then eats…?”
Mack: “That would explain the initial screaming.”


Steve: “I’ll follow him, and whip it out when the fight starts.”

Bob: “Hey, you remember the earlier discussion, where we talked about if I made the encounters tougher…”

Steve: “…and the occasional appearance of Pachebel’s Canon represents wandering monster rolls! The part of the gnolls is represented by the oboe.”

Doug: “Hello little kitty, kitty… ai, jeez ya little monster!”

Doug: “Innkeeper! More broth for our zero level friend!”

Skip: “This all started when I walked down the hallway so he could show me his wand…”


Steve: “With this group, you can’t make a comment that’s too cryptic.”

Les: “It’s not a skill, it’s a feat, called “Cowardly Sprint.”
Steve: “Yeah, in a couple levels, he’ll be able to get “Improved Cowardly Sprint.”

Bob: “It’s good to see Mack back, isn’t it?”
Steve: “Yeah, we were getting drastically low on caustic wit.”

Don: “Maybe if we run away farther, it’ll confuse them!”

Bob: “I wish I had more dice.”

Doug: “I’m going onto the bridge, and putting my thing away…”
Les: “You should have put your thing away before the battle commenced.”
Bob: “That’s why he took so long to get there, he had his thing out.”
Doug: “Kord says, if you got it flaunt it.”

Steve: “Jeez, in this game even when you’re at home you gotta roll for every door.”

Bob: “Decay fills the air…”
Devin: “Does it smell?”
Don: “No, it’s the fresh smell of decay.”

Don: “Maybe the stones are just made to look heavy.”
Steve: “Yeah, there might be a housekey under one of them.”

Don: “What you’re doing when you carry a torch is attracting evil.”
Steve: “And moths!”

Mac: “Are they grassy gnolls?”

Bob: “Steve, you’re too far away to do anything, aren’t you?”
Steve: “I’d like to think so.”

Devin: “12!”
Bob: “That misses.”
Devin: “20!”


Bob: “You all will meet at the temple of Dumathoin… [to Skip] You know where that is.”
Steve: “Yeah, that’s where he had his prom.”

Steve: “Back off, or the half-elf gets it.”

Steve: “It’s Orc-apalooza!”

Steve: “It’s the Hextor Family Christmas!”


Tom: “You are slower than a rug??”

Tom: “It’s a rapier of Rug Slaying! You don’t see that very often.”

Don, rolling an attack: “11!” Bob: “That’ll miss.” Don: “12?”


Steve: “That fungus that got me – was that the flat fungus, or the puffballs?”

Don, while looking for secret doors: “Hey! What’s a keyhole doing in a wall?”


Steve: “Honor, schmonor!”

Bob: “No instant critical!”

Steve: “I have survived flaming death – twice!”

Bob: “Well, you can think that…”


“WWHD?” (“What Would Hextor Do?”)

Bob: “90, on a fumble?? You’re close to ‘decapitation country’!”


Doug: “Is the door right in front of us?”
Bob: “Yes, as far as you can tell, it hasn’t moved.”