Context-Free Game Quotes! 2024

Quotes from before! 2023 | 2022 | Olden Days

2-26-24, Rise of the Runelords

“What, are they gonna sniff out their future?”

PC1: “Dad, you need to Snapchat!”
Dad DM: “I’m 60.”

[to the tune of I’m A Big Kid Now] “I’m a big tank now!”

PC: “Does a 15 hit?”
DM: “No.”
PC: “Fuck.”

“My name is Bear. Bear Minimum.”

“You’ve never had your esophagus licked from the inside?”

2-25-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“Storm’s not really here to solve problems.”

“Fellas, love is in the air…”

“You know how bards are, they’re all liars.”
“No, they *play* lyres!”

“Can we short rest while we waterboard these guys?”

“Hey, you ever make it with a surface paladin?”

2-19-24, Traveller

“Hey, does this smell like chloroform?”

“I am somewhat less than naked.”

“This is a guy that, when I first meet him, was collecting kidneys!”

“It’s a subclass of revenge.”

“This is the far future! We can’t be limiting ourselves to home sapiens.”

“Who among us at the Academy didn’t have an alien walk of shame… no? Just this guy?”

2-16-24, Age of Extinction

“I have perfect 300/300 vision.”

PC: “It’s an acrobatics check, right?”
DM: “No, it’s athletics.”
PC: “Fuck that: throw me!”

2-5-24, Rise of the Runelords

PC: “Are all druids trans?”
DM: “Yes, but not all trans are druids.”

2-5-24, Wrath of the Righteous

Cleric PC: “How big of a clerical dick do you want me to be?”
PC2: “Was that a rhetorical question?”
PC3: “Hold your clerical dick for now.”

2-2-24, BDC

“He’s kind of like a creosote log.”

“Remember, we were all sleeping on the dog.”

“The staff is in the darkness!”

PC: “If you’re one of us, you’ll eat the shaved celery.”
ALL: “One of us! One of us!”

“When he gets huge, then he’s got reach.”

DM: “You have a metallic taste in your mouth…”
PC1: “It’s blood.”
PC2: “It’s weeeener…”

PC1: “He can drag over 21,000 pounds.”
PC2: “That’s over a ton!”

1-28-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“That’s what the barbarian likes: a loose drow who does it quickly.”

“The Mean Lantern is BACK!”

“The only way to fix that is violence.”

“Seafood hates Storm.”

“I know to respect a big fish.”

“Wait a minute: I’m walking on water??”

“I’ve got two glowing balls here in the Underdark… and one of them is blue.”

“It’s like a drow turducken!”

1-26-24, Strange Aeons

“Ok, let’s go to the basement.”

PC1: “Why’d you do that??”
PC2: “He told me to!” [pause] “I didn’t understand the question.”
PC3: “That’s entirely in character.”

1-22-24, Rise of the Runelords

“Don’t fist the ghost, Shawn.”

1-21-24, Traveller

“We fought two single-man fighters and a disabled freighter!”
“I’m still confident.”

“Ask her if she likes gladiator movies.”

1-19-24, BDC

“Nobody is allowed to touch his area.”

“If it’s a man, I can fix it.”

PC1: “What languages do you speak?”
PC2: “I know all the common languages.”
PC1: “Undercommon?”
PC2: “No, that’s beneath me.”

1-14-24, Welcome to Otari

Cleric: “That makes sense.  I’m the cleric of a death god.”
Sorcerer: “Wait, what?”

“And now the glowing undead orb flies out into the swamp to inhabit the body of a dead turtle or something.”

“We use club soda to remove the haunted bloodstain.  It takes out EVERYTHING.”

GM: “You’ll have to make a religion check to exorcise the haunt.”
Cleric: “I use aerobics to exercise the ghost.”
Sorcerer: “The power of cardio compels you!”

Investigator: “How do Kobolds normally honor their dead?  Bury them?”
Sorcerer: “I believe they ritualistically launch them from a catapult.”

GM:  “Don’t just assume it’s on the GM layer!”

GM:  “She doesn’t look like she did before.  Now she’s just a grotesque mass of blood and bones.”
Player: She could have had lots of makeup on before!”

Cleric: “Dammit, I rolled a 1 on my religion check!”
Sorcerer: “I think that means you’re losing your religion.”
Cleric: “That’s me in the corner…”

Player: “It’s not an angry, undead turtle is it?”

GM: “Your religion check tells you you’re in danger.”
Sorcerer: “I’m untrained and I knew that!”

GM: “It can only be hit with ghost-touch weapons, which you’re all too low-level to have.”
Sorcerer: “So that makes this a perfect, level-appropriate encounter.”

“I’m not frightened – you’re frightened!”

1-14-24, War of the Burning Sky

“I’m not really sure who to punch here! [pause] I’m going to punch the horse.”
“Who are you, Mongo??”
“Ono only pawn, in game of life.”

regarding Hobbits: “I have to apologize, but you all look the same to me.”

“Can you use ‘Handle Animal’ on a hobbit?”

“I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling clerics!”

1-13-24, Writer’s Workshop

“It’s a Final Fantasy 7 situation!”

“There’s only one thing worse than getting shiny toys, and that’s getting shiny toys and not being able to use them.”

“I had this meeting to hold open discussions, not answer a bunch of questions!”

“Now, Book 2…”
“One more thing…”

“No one expects the Everlight Inquisition!”

“So: the domesticated shambling mounds are allied with the changeling cannibal druids?”

“We gotta get a priest on that.”

1-12-24, Age of Extinction

“Barbarian in the streets, deity in the sheets.”

“Yippe kai-yay, Munie Feigl.”

1-7-24, Wrath of the Righteous

“What? Some of my best friends are succubi!”

PC1: “… um, I’ll have a pierogi!”
PC2: “I Detect Evil on the pierogi.”
PC3: “Have you guys never seen ‘Sweeney Todd’?”

“One hug and I’m banned from being a translator.”