Context-Free Game Quotes! 2024

Les Hostetler | January 8, 2024 | Game Quotes | No Comments

Quotes from before! 2023 | 2022 | Olden Days

12-8-24, War of the Burning Sky

“There are murd… um, sorry, ‘justifiable homicide’ holes.”

12-6-24, BDC

“It’s a man’s game!”

PC1: “What happened to you?”
PC2: “D&D accident.”

PC1: “I mean, I do want Mike to go in the hole.”
PC2: “That’s what she said.”

“Dead we can manage, stone we can’t.”

“I know there’s medusas around so I’m only going to look at feet.”

“Can I critical hit a carp?”

“We’re upgrading dwarfs.”

“Those are metric pounds.”

PC1: “We can put the stuff in it we don’t want.”
PC2: “Stuff? You mean people?”
PC1: “It’s all organic matter.”
PC3: “I’m going to poop in it.”
PC1: “We’re NOT going to poop in it!”
PC3: (pause) “I’m definitely crapping in it.”

12-2-24: Rise of the Runelords

“Damn, Don, your sack puts my sack to shame.”

PC1: “How do you define ‘wet’?”
PC2: “Moist?”
PC1: “Moist…”

“Tactical striptease!”

12-1-24: Wrath of the Righteous

“So… we’re made of magical fiberglass and we’re in an acid rainstorm? Got it.”

“Post whatever you want, it’ll only be more evidence of your own malfeasance.”

“Iomedae makes me a do a urine check every month to see if I have any evil.”

“Are you trying to Vicious Mockery a Balor?”

“Those caravan guard reflexes pay off again!”

11-10-24, War of the Burning Skies

“It’s skullduggery adjacent.”

“I guess I’ll punch the hobbit.”

11-8-24, Strange Aeons

“No need to be shy – we’re all greasy here.”

“If you see a plume of white smoke coming from the back room, they’ve elected a new GM.”

11-3-24, Wrath of the Righteous

PC1: “We’re going to need to make nine rights.”
PC2: “Why?”
PC1: “Don’t worry about that.”

“But you’re our favorite gimp support caster!”

“What is this, Shrek?? The jackass goes for the dragon?”

“It’s a ménage of diplomacy.”

11-1-24, BDC

“I speak bird.”

“Make sure to save one wish to undue the ‘bad’ wish.”

Efreet, in Ignan: “What the hell are you promising these guys Wishes for??”

“The Peeping Mage of White Moon Cove.”

“I didn’t disrobe! I’m a ‘never-nude’.”

Summoner: “If there’s any person that we’d want to die, it’d be Thrax.”
Thrax: “I’m standing right here.”

“There they are! Just follow the sonic boom.”

10-27-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“Wisdom, is not my Strength. [pause] Wait, that came out wrong.”

DM: “I’m not cheating! I promise!”

“Hey! I apologized!”

“Is that new spell called ‘friends with Benefits’?”

“I did recon by Fireball.”

PC1: “He’s famous for his large movements.”
Centaur PC: “It depends on the size of the footlocker.”

10-22-24, Rise of the Runelords

“Hey, you want a bloody Mary? They just killed a fresh one in the back.”

PC1: “I can get one from my house!”
PC2: “You have a house??”
PC1: “A house of trash.”

10-21-24, Traveller

“I don’t think black holes can move any other way but ‘hostile’.”

“I’ve got a potential problem with the hot potato, actually.”

10-18-24, Strange Aeons

“My tentacle will keep you warm”

DM: “This is like a baby pool’s worth of blood.”
PC1: “What’s more interesting than a baby pool’s worth of blood?”
PC2: “Two baby pool’s worth of blood.”

10-13-24, War of the Burning Sky

“I should just carry your little ass to bed! It’s past your bedtime.”

“Get the sack!”

“It’s atrocity time!”

“ATAB!”

“Titus, are you going to say anything? Because Arandar’s got a mouthfull.”

10-11-24, BDC

“Our ally is an interdimensional yip dog.”

“What we need is a male-to-male.”
[long pause] “Is there something you want to tell us?”

“It was one of those rare Desoto earthquakes.”

“See you in another eight months, guys!”

“Well, you’ve got to see where to pee.”
“No I don’t,” [pause] “It’s usually in your bunk.”

10-4-24, Archon

“I hear the faint smell of olives…”

“Yeah! JIMMY!”

“Violence is not the answer! You are a DOCTOR!”

(After hearing automatic fire) “I guess that was the doctor.”

9-29-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“I don’t mind being upstaged by Sting.”

“I guess I’ll get my own wings.”

“I haven’t seen a pine tree or a snowball… I’m unhappy here.”

9-22-24, Traveller

“He fired NINE warning shots!”
“So they’ll be safe, because I’ll be the one doing the shooting.”

“I claim this hall for Jiixlandia!”

“Someone who shouldn’t have tried this at home, tried this at home.”

9-15-24, War of the Burning Sky

“Recycle, re-use, re-murder!”

9-13-24, Strange Aeons

PC1: “We could… boil her?”
PC2: “That is soooo last campaign.”

“You know, if you cast Mirror Image, do you become a murder?”

“It’s not so much that Becky’s a racist…”

“If a man goes to the bathroom, and starts laughing uncontrollably, you don’t ask questions.”

“What’s it going to take for me, as DM, to get a headless body on a spit for you tonight?”

“Oh ho! Becky’s been catfished!”

9-8-24, Wrath of the Righteous

“What happens at Beatles Festival, stays at Beatles Festival.”

“Do not sell people’s souls for a whale!”

9-1-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“We eat ire for lunch!”

“A day without spider ichor is like a day without sunshine.”

“That, my friends, is the power of parley.”

“I pick ’em, then I flick ’em.”

“I gotta find some more guys to murder.”

8-18-24, War of the Burning Sky

“This is my resting ambivalent face.”

“I don’t wash my hands after I poop!”

“Me talk good.”

“You’re young, but that’s what a hoe looks like.”

“I may have to punch a plant!”

“I’m getting a whole ‘Lovecraft/Hansel and Gretel’ vibe in here.”

“I don’t touch doorknobs.”

8-18-24, Big Muddy EAST

“This is not your father’s sword and flame!”

“‘Hope’ is not a plan.”

“Are we the baddies?”

8-11-24, Wrath of the Righteous

“It’s emitting a jello-like sound of pain.”

“The problem with fighting in a basement is that you’r’re FIGHTING in a BASEMENT.”

8-3-24, Chicago Typewriter @ GenCon

“No witnesses – that’s our policy.”

“One barrel of bullshit was destroyed.”

“Kiss ahf, coppa!”

“Nobody saw nothin’.”

“We’re un-coitusing the train.”
“What, right here in front of everybody?”

“Fire it up! Kill them Feds!”

8-2-24, Vaesen @ GenCon

PC1: “Skin jerky?”
PC2: “I dunno, maybe they’re making it.”

“He racially profiled our vagabond!”

“Our dick is broken!”

“Augh! I got dog ass on me.”

“That astronaut joke offended you, didn’t it?”

“I failed you yesterday, but not today!”

“HAND CHECK!”

7-28-24, Seas of Consequence

“Turns out, before he was Bobby Two-Chairs, he was Bobby the Orphan.”

7-28-24, Quarantine with the Classics

DM: “Nature is general pretty bitey.”
PC: “Really, WE have only recently become less bitey.”

Barbarian PC: “I’m dousing myself in the blood of the hobgoblin.”
Other PC: ” WAT?”
Barbarian PC: “I’m just doing my job.”

“Spiders and vampires: they’re the worst.”

7-22-24, Traveller

“Where the fuck is the space station??”

7-19-24, Seas of Consequence

“How hard do I support the blue? I bought a body cam just so I could turn it off.”

7-15-24, Rise of the Runelords

“My mind’s like a steel trap that SLOOOOOWLY snaps into place.”

PC1: “It’s just a Trump shoot.”
PC2: “We WILL take this country back.”

“I’m a blind sorcerer. I look when I scream.”

7-14-24, War of the Burning Sky

“Somehow, you’ve incurred an injury…?”

“I’ve tried to be non-lethal and you guys gave me a bunch of shit!”

PC1: “Wait, are you blaming society?”
PC2: “Yes.”
PC3: “Ok, it is a good excuse.”

“If they approach, I’m going to advise them to take a night off.”

“Ono is here, that means there was at least .1 fucks given.”

7-8-24, Seas of Consequence

“I cannot say I’m surprised, but yet I’m still disappointed.”

6-28-24, Strange Aeons

“My name is Khrow… and these pricks tried to kill me last week!”

“Oars for the oarless!”

“Ok, you guys can measure dicks later.”

“Us being docked here is considered a crime in this town.”

PC1: “Who cares about etymology?”
PC2: “Ants.”

“By Perthius Law, you are correct.”

6-23-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“The man knows his mockery!”

“Persuasion check with your battleaxe.”

6-9-24, War of the Burning Sky

“Does anyone want to get Invisible and go snooping around?”

“As an adventurer, I never miss an opportunity to use the restroom.”

6-2-24, DieCon

PC1: “What is the armor rating of throwing a child?”
PC2: “African or European?”

“God don’t fail me now!”

“I sank to your level, you didn’t sink below mine.”

“I’m chopping his feet off and stomping him with his boots.”

5-24-24, Strange Aeons

“My nipples take offense to that!”

NPC: “Please, we are but pilgrims…
PC: “They’re butt pilgrims!”

“Bullethead, go fetch me a fishing rod.”

“I’m just the lure, biatch!”

5-19-24, Age of Extinction

“Did you give me mouth-to-mouth??? I taste cheese!!!!”

“Are you ready to vrock?”

“This one appears to be the Ayatollah of Vrock-and-Rolla.”

“You’ve pinned his creepy baby arm to the wall!”

“It’s referred to as the ‘Troglodyte Wallet’.”

“That’s my three actions: Move, Pee, Pee.”

5-13-24, Runelords

DM: “The cannisters are currently empty.”
PC: “That’s not what your mother said.”

5-12-24, War of the Burning Sky

“I tried to be sneaky.”

“I’ll kill anyone you put in front of me.”

5-4-34, Strange Aeons

“It’s technically correct… which is the best kind of correct.”

4-28-24, Seas of Consequence

“Reverse male pattern baldness.”

PC1: “I was a ship surgeon for a while…”
PC2: “You fix boats??”

“Are you the butler? You’re not not nearly as ugly as they made you out to me.”

“You’re giving big Saltmarsh energy.”

“He was giving ‘Sexy Jabba’ energy.”

“Sea salt ain’t the only thing that stains me sheets.”

4-28-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“It’s the hardest working loincloth in Menzoberranazan.”

“Just think of them as Arctic sea lions with ears.”

“They called your momma a ‘snow-hoe’!”

4-26-24, Age of Extinction

“Standard anal beads of Aroden.”

“HOLY anal beads of Aroden!”

DM: “How are you detecting magic?”
PC: “… I have Detect Magic.”

“The holy hookah bar of Aroden!”
“They sell beads there.”

“He was using his Lungs of Holding.”

4-21-24, Traveller

“Surrender is always an option.”

4-16-24, Abomination Vaults

“When you enter the room, the doll attacks you.”
“I THINK it prefers to be referred to as an ‘Action Figure.'”

“I think to stop persistent Mental Damage you have to think really hard about a Bandaid.”

“Did we somehow miss the 2nd Level encounter building?”

“It’s a Zombie-o-matic!”

4-15-24, Runelords

“Hey guys, if you wanna shine, he’s got another Fireball.”

4-14-24, War of the Burning Sky

“We’ll do ‘Bad Cop, Worse Cop’.”
“Which one am I?”
“You’re ‘Worse Cop’.”

“Can he use ‘Flurry of Blows’ to fellate them into agreeing with us?”

“You’ve done all the fancy talking you can do, so now it’s time to fuck shit up.”

4-12-24, Strange Aeons

“We didn’t abandon him! But we did leave him behind.”

“I don’t know what to tell you but… this town is a shitshow.”

“Classic ‘Other Pete’!”

4-7-24, Wrath of the Righteous

“Smite your nose to spite your face.”

4-5-24, Age of Extinction

“And will you be using your Bloodbath & Beyond Rewards Card?”

“You: Teddy Ruxpin! You’re up!”

“Receptionists are my Favored Enemy!”
“And Cubicles are my Favored Terrain!”

4-2-24, Rise of the Runelords

“You gotta peel a lot of peaches to make an apple pie.”

Burglar PC: “Is anyone here?”
Homeowner: “No…”

3-31-24, War of the Burning Sky

“You’re baby-faced, you’re innocent, that’s why we love you, but that’s also why you need to go back to your room now.”

3-24-24, Ironfang Invasion

“The gold tooth got me loose!”

“Can I see your gills?”

3-24-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“No paying it forward, guys!”

“We don’t want another footlocker fiasco.”

“So, I can’t make permanent new friends.”

“You’re going to get us drowned!”
“We’ll take care of it for you, our barbarian friend.”

3-23-24, Big Muddy Game Day

“I thought we were shooting smoke!”

“They told us not to leave the tank unless it was on fire. They didn’t say anything about the forest!”

“Never interrupt the Germans when they’re shooting at the French.”

3-17-24, Traveller

“I find it interesting that so many of us are hiding in the bushes.”

3-15-24, Strange Aeons

“Fuck that 14!”

“Don’t be a pussy and Fireball me.”

3-12-24, Runelords

“I’ve got a 20 AC, muthafuckaaaaaa…”

3-10-24, War of the Burning Sky

“I may be creepy, but at least I’m honest.”

3-1-24, Strange Aeons

“If I make soup? Don’t eat it.”

“Sure, take it for a test kill!”

“These would be considered… sarcophaGALS.”

“I’m fishing for assholes!”

“Does it begin with an ‘H’ and end with a “ound of Tindalos’?”

“Nu! We’re Scottish Mwangi!”
“They’d rather be kilt than kindled.”

2-26-24, Rise of the Runelords

“What, are they gonna sniff out their future?”

PC1: “Dad, you need to Snapchat!”
Dad DM: “I’m 60.”

[to the tune of I’m A Big Kid Now] “I’m a big tank now!”

PC: “Does a 15 hit?”
DM: “No.”
PC: “Fuck.”

“My name is Bear. Bear Minimum.”

“You’ve never had your esophagus licked from the inside?”

2-25-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“Storm’s not really here to solve problems.”

“Fellas, love is in the air…”
“Again??”

“You know how bards are, they’re all liars.”
“No, they *play* lyres!”

“Can we short rest while we waterboard these guys?”

“Hey, you ever make it with a surface paladin?”

2-19-24, Traveller

“Hey, does this smell like chloroform?”

“I am somewhat less than naked.”

“This is the guy that, when I first met him, was collecting kidneys!”

“It’s a subclass of revenge.”

“This is the far future! We can’t be limiting ourselves to home sapiens.”

“Who among us at the Academy didn’t have an alien walk of shame… no? Just this guy?”

2-16-24, Age of Extinction

“I have perfect 300/300 vision.”

PC: “It’s an acrobatics check, right?”
DM: “No, it’s athletics.”
PC: “Fuck that: throw me!”

2-5-24, Rise of the Runelords

PC: “Are all druids trans?”
DM: “Yes, but not all trans are druids.”

2-5-24, Wrath of the Righteous

Cleric PC: “How big of a clerical dick do you want me to be?”
PC2: “Was that a rhetorical question?”
PC3: “Hold your clerical dick for now.”

2-2-24, BDC

“He’s kind of like a creosote log.”

“Remember, we were all sleeping on the dog.”

“The staff is in the darkness!”

PC: “If you’re one of us, you’ll eat the shaved celery.”
ALL: “One of us! One of us!”

“When he gets huge, then he’s got reach.”

DM: “You have a metallic taste in your mouth…”
PC1: “It’s blood.”
PC2: “It’s weeeener…”

PC1: “He can drag over 21,000 pounds.”
PC2: “That’s over a ton!”

1-28-24, Quarantine With The Classics

“That’s what the barbarian likes: a loose drow who does it quickly.”

“The Mean Lantern is BACK!”

“The only way to fix that is violence.”

“Seafood hates Storm.”

“I know to respect a big fish.”

“Wait a minute: I’m walking on water??”

“I’ve got two glowing balls here in the Underdark… and one of them is blue.”

“It’s like a drow turducken!”

1-26-24, Strange Aeons

“Ok, let’s go to the basement.”

PC1: “Why’d you do that??”
PC2: “He told me to!” [pause] “I didn’t understand the question.”
PC3: “That’s entirely in character.”

1-22-24, Rise of the Runelords

“Don’t fist the ghost, Shawn.”

1-21-24, Traveller

“We fought two single-man fighters and a disabled freighter!”
“I’m still confident.”

“Ask her if she likes gladiator movies.”

1-19-24, BDC

“Nobody is allowed to touch his area.”

“If it’s a man, I can fix it.”

PC1: “What languages do you speak?”
PC2: “I know all the common languages.”
PC1: “Undercommon?”
PC2: “No, that’s beneath me.”

1-14-24, Welcome to Otari

Cleric: “That makes sense. I’m the cleric of a death god.”
Sorcerer: “Wait, what?”

“And now the glowing undead orb flies out into the swamp to inhabit the body of a dead turtle or something.”

“We use club soda to remove the haunted bloodstain. It takes out EVERYTHING.”

GM: “You’ll have to make a religion check to exorcise the haunt.”
Cleric: “I use aerobics to exercise the ghost.”
Sorcerer: “The power of cardio compels you!”

Investigator: “How do Kobolds normally honor their dead? Bury them?”
Sorcerer: “I believe they ritualistically launch them from a catapult.”

GM: “Don’t just assume it’s on the GM layer!”

GM: “She doesn’t look like she did before. Now she’s just a grotesque mass of blood and bones.”
Player: She could have had lots of makeup on before!”

Cleric: “Dammit, I rolled a 1 on my religion check!”
Sorcerer: “I think that means you’re losing your religion.”
Cleric: “That’s me in the corner…”

Player: “It’s not an angry, undead turtle is it?”

GM: “Your religion check tells you you’re in danger.”
Sorcerer: “I’m untrained and I knew that!”

GM: “It can only be hit with ghost-touch weapons, which you’re all too low-level to have.”
Sorcerer: “So that makes this a perfect, level-appropriate encounter.”

“I’m not frightened – you’re frightened!”