Other People's Quotes | we aren't the only ones saying stupid shit on game night
Wizard (to rest of party) - "We came here to violate this corpse!"
A player looked at his sheet and remarked, "My character has no sack." <insert Beavis and Butthead huh-huhing here>
DM: "As you come into the room, you see a mighty throne. Leaning against it is a staff that is glowing with power, and..."
Player: "I run up and grab the staff."
DM: "Well, the lich who is holding it doesn't like that very much, and hits you with a lightning bolt!"
DM: "The party sees a bright flash of dark light" (what the...?)
GM rolls a bunch of dice and announces "Okay, you're all completely surprised... " (thinks a bit) "...nothing happens!" (this was just a case of a sneaky NPC observing the PCs and deciding to slink away rather than risk death for no good reason.)
(The half-orc barbarian has just used his dire flail to finish off a grey ooze, losing one of the flail's ball heads in the process): "Damn, now I've got this slime all over my balls!"
While running AD&D in a segmented combat system (i.e. by segments instead of rounds), a player activated his Ebony Fly which takes 3 segments to grow to full size. A few segments later he inquires: "Is my fly up yet?"
My girlfriend who is new to AD&D was playing her first character ever. She is a mage and has a proficiency in daggers. They went into the cavern - and after searching several old rooms and evading a few traps, got to the first main room and were assaulted by skeletons and such.(level 2-3 characters). The first combat - everyone declares their action and so does she. Combat ensues and when it is her turn:
GF (Girl Friend): "I throw a dagger at the zombie in front of
GM: "Roll to hit"
GF: "I got a - um - 1. Is that bad?"
GM: "You fumbled - roll dex"
GF: "Okay (roll - failed)"
GM: "Ooo. (we had a system where if you beat your dex, you just blew the attack) You hit one of your party members across the room. (roll) You hit the Fighter. Roll to-hit"
Munchkin: "I've got AC4 anyways"
GF: "Sorry. (roll) 20."
Munchkin: "Man. Damn. Oh well, it's only a few HP."
GM: (using claw law) - roll.
GM: "Critical hit to opponent's head. Dead unless head is protected."
*scream* The munchkin had full armor except the headcovering due to the restrictions. Her first character and combat *ever* and she insta-kills the munchkin on the first shot.
Paladin: "Murdering someone is not the nicest thing to do!"
A tent city of evil humanoids had just been attacked, and all its inhabitants fled. While going towards the city, we met some orcs coming the other way. They fled so fast that they didn't all have clothes; one was wearing a barrel, and two were wearing less than that. A few minutes later, we met some humans, also traveling away from the city. We said "We just saw some naked orcs going that way." After a pause, the paladin added "Don't go that way!"
"If YOU want to let him out of the pentagram fine, but for the record, I don't think it's a good idea." (The DM graciously decided the demon had better things to do in the prime material plane than mess with our foolish low-level characters.)
(a 'good' party) "I cast detect evil. Check out the prisoner. Since I have the spell up anyway I'll glance around the room at everyone else..."
<DM points to another player> ... well, he's evil."
The pc's we're at the entrance of a cave, on the side of the entrance there was a stone with an "X" engraved on it.
Thief: "I use my read language skill on that rock, what does it mean?"
DM: "As you come close to the cave, there is a strong smell of rotten flesh."
Thief: "Human or other?"
DM: "The room is huge. As far as the eye can see, there are statues of gargoyles crowded into the room. Thre must be dozens, perhaps hundreds, of statues of gargoyles."
Players: [Discussion of likelihood these AREN'T statues]
Cleric PC: "Cast Detect Life"
DM: "The statues are indeed alive."
Cleric PC: "There is no such spell."
Cleric: "Is he a really religious god?"
Magically-Beefed-Up Fighter: "I throw the horse at him." Bard: "I'm ON the horse!"
The party happens upon several large eggs, possibly dragon eggs: Cleric: "This might sound strange, but... I have the Etiquette proficiency... will that tell me what these eggs are used for?"